three steps forward...two steps back

Eric has been adjusting to having the feeding tube put in. We were so focused on getting it put in safely, we hadn't thought much about what comes next. While we are still so grateful that the procedure went so well and God's hand of protection was on Eric, it has been hard for Eric to adjust at home. He has not slept in his hospital bed since the surgery and can no longer wear his bi-pap overnight or for very long periods. His feet have swollen up again from sleeping in his chair. He has also started a tickle cough that comes and goes daily and sometimes causes choking. We have started supplementing Eric's meals by feeding tube once or twice a day and we are getting used to that. He continues to eat a softer diet as well. Eric has been very frustrated with this disease lately and his spirit has been very down. I tend to follow suit when he gets this way because we are both again very tired most days. I understand that Eric can't be happy all the time when he suffers through this disease. I often try to imagine how I would feel in his shoes and I don't even know how I would respond. I don't know what we would do if we didn't have Christ's love and His grace in our lives. Eric's dad has returned to the hospital again this week and is now home awaiting surgery in Ann Arbor to be scheduled. My sister had her lymph nodes checked because she felt a lump and although she had a "clean" petscan, the doctor says he is pretty sure it is cancer so it will be removed and biopsied. My grandpa had surgery for his cancer last Friday and they believe they got it all (Praise God) and he is now at a nursing home recovering, but he is very down as well. Life can just be so hard sometimes. You sometimes wonder how much one family can take. The snow has hit hard in Michigan and we have been cooped up inside. We have been enjoying being here all together as family. My kids actually slept with their PJ's backwards, spoons under their pillows and flushed ice cubes down the toilet last night (those of you not from Michigan, these are "supposed to" help school to be cancelled) We actually stayed up very late last night assuming there would be no school and were so glad to be right. My bible study leader checks in with me every week even though I am no longer able to leave for Bible Study for the last month or so, and she shared verses from the study last week in Psalm 73:23-28
It was very encouraging to me and Eric and I wanted to share it with you:
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

Sometimes it is so hard to keep our focus on God, but He is the author and perfector of our souls and the One who sustains us through trials. Please pray we keep our eyes on Jesus and for Eric to fight the latest things he is struggling with. It is really hard to see Eric go through this when there is sometimes nothing I can do to help him. I hope you are all staying safe, healthy and warm and are blessed this Christmas season.
Love,
Lori